nitemare.. n i hv awoken frm my dream n past. wat hv past is alreday is a past...
aft i read e email u send me my mind was totally blank.. i cant tink anyth... my mind is empty but my heart is feelin e pain.. den i smoke 3 sticks at one go.. i nv ever wan to hurt myself by cuttin anymore so i do 100 push up n i whole mornin is listenin to shan hu hai den i dunno y i fall aslp.. in my slp i hv a dream.. it nt a dream it a nitemare.. i dream i was in another island.. i dun knw where.. den there a group of band over there singin shan hu hai.. den there a guy look lyk jay chou singin shan hu hai den there many ppl over there waitin 4 him to take autogra den i went up to him to let him sign my autogra bk i wanted to gv u e autogra cuz i knw u aso a fan of him.. he took n sign n gv me a kiss.. den edwin was there.. can c tat his face hv change but he nv say anyth den later suddenly i was at sumwhere else hse.. it was very big there many sercuity guard sum is robot de sum is human de.. den suddenly edwin grab me he dun wan to let me go.. i was very scare.. he say he wan to .... me so i ran.. (onli sum of my fren knw wat happen to me regradin him.. dun wan to say le.. very scary) e place is very big i dun knw where im goin i jus run..den he call all e sercuity guard to stop me but i manage to get away frm them.. until i rch e carpark... there many ppl cm aft me wif weapon i dun care i jus run up wif them i grab one of there weapon which is a sword n i jus kill watever is infront of me n i manage to get out of e bulidin.. den i continue running den edwin is behind me wif a few ppl.. i continue running i nv stop until at one period of tm cuz i was too tired den i fall dwn frm e top.. i pretend to faint.. i wanted to c whether he got worry 4 me a nt.. but he nv.. he jus ask them to carry me bk n he jus walk away when i c tat he hv walk quite far le i push them away n i continue running but tis tm he cant chase aft me cuz i ran to hide.. i jus run n run den i go into a boat n i saw his grandfather.. i dunno is who cuz e dream is very confusin.. i ask him to bring me hm i very scare of edwin.. but he bring me go buy foods cuz he knw i hungry den while walkin hm.. i suddenly wake up.. tat my nitemare..
nw feelin so scare dunno y..? i reali do hv probia wif guys nw.. haiz.. dunno la.. jus very scare aft wat happen.. but who knw hw i feelin rite nw.. i feelin damn confuse rite nw.. my life nw is in a mess.. i reali dunno wat im doin.. haiz.. dun knw wat to say le.. dun wan to say anyth le.. i tink i smoke 2 much le jus smoke 4 sticks feel lyk vomitin nw.. dun feel lyk eatin either..
haiz.. ytd i late 4 wk.. i was late 4 7 min cuz i tink i mis bus 147.. haiz.. den lyk tat lo.. e outlet manager say ur $50 allowance dun hv le..haiz.. den lyk tat lo..ytd my mood ok la.. pretend to be ok but im nt.. wan to smoke but i dun hv le den endure until at nite den i go take frm him..smoke 5 sticks ytd.. my sis msg me tis mornin.. she say u tink i dunno u still smokin ar.. she say hw will mummy feel if she knw u r smokin.. she say i already tell u if u got problem can tell me de..say i 19 yeaR old le still dunno hw to tink.. haiz.. but wat to do.. i onli hv my cigar as my fren nw.. no1 i can turn to at all.. ya.. i hv.. mich n xiaojac.. they knw abt sum things.. but im bz wkin no tm to mit up wif them or call them.. but who knw hw i reali feel.. haiz.. i reali hate myself.. hate myself so much..
